Working on self improvement
But it's boring as feck
Sitting on my porch
Wondering what in the heck
How do I meet men?
How would I meet women?
How can I meet anyone?
Alien or human
I opened up Tinder
And accidentally swiped right
On about 10K douches
Oh damn it, oh shite
Wearing 10 gallon hats
And listening to new country
Sending me hearts
And asking me to lunchy
My eyes roll to the heavens
I hit uninstall
I remember my first date
At the old Birdcage Mall
He was Andrew Olson
He wore a black coat
He was likely on that list
Of Columbine folk
Then I started thinking
Of all of the others
My internet boyfriends
And IRL lovers
Oleg was from Livejournal
He chose Jovana though
Now she and I are friends
And agree he is an ohole
There was Matt from Toronto
Andy from MN
The cokehead from goth club
Oh so many men
Yes I've traveled the globe
And mobbed across country
On buses and trains
On planes and via donkey
Perhaps they were lessons
For which I could be grateful
No need to be hostile
Or bitter or hateful
Now I've learned love does not
Come from dudes or from gambling
Or shopping or drinking
Or online webcamming
I'm still working it out
I'm still finding my way
But I'm starting to think
that I have things to convey
I'll start out by sharing
With my friends on Facebook
And then when I'm ready
I'll be writing my book
